I Did It For You by Amy Engel

Author:Amy Engel [Engel, Amy]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2023-07-25T00:00:00+00:00

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For a town with fewer than two thousand residents, Ludlow had an overabundance of churches, but there was only one cemetery. People might cling to their specific faiths in life, but in death they seemed fine with mingling. The cemetery was located behind the grade school, always kind of an odd choice in my mind, but maybe it gave those who were grieving comfort to hear children playing outside, their sweet, innocent voices a constant reminder that life goes on. Or maybe the school district bought the cheapest plot of land they could find, put up a half-assed fence to block the view, and called it good.

In the years after Eliza died, my mom came to the cemetery every Saturday morning. She never invited my dad or me along, and neither of us ever asked to accompany her. I’d been to Eliza’s grave only twice, the day she was buried and the day before I left for college. I didn’t like to think of her there, deep underneath the ground. Sometimes I could trick my mind into believing that she was just on a trip. Or that she lived halfway around the world. But when I stood over her grave, there was no hiding from the truth. She existed only in memory now. And every year, she faded a little more.

But now that I was back in Ludlow, going to Eliza’s grave felt like the least I could do for her. I’d considered tagging along with my mom, who still kept her Saturday morning vigil, but in the end, I went alone on a random late Wednesday afternoon. The day was fittingly overcast, the air sharp enough that I tucked my hands into the sleeves of my sweater, hunched my shoulders as I crossed the grass toward her tombstone.

I’d anticipated being alone in the cemetery, or at least alone at Eliza’s grave, but Ryan was there when I approached, his head bowed. As I watched, he placed a tiny spray of baby’s breath on the ground at his feet. I paused, unsure whether to continue forward or retreat. It had never crossed my mind that Ryan might still come here to pay his respects after all this time.

“Hey,” he called when he straightened up and spotted me. He seemed completely unself-conscious to have been found here, posture relaxed, hands stuffed loosely in the pockets of his leather jacket.

“You put flowers on her grave,” I said once I was within talking distance. It wasn’t a question, and the words came out more accusatory than I’d intended.

He shrugged. “Yeah, Travis’s, too. Once a month or thereabouts. Cassie and I take turns.” He glanced down at the baby’s breath. “The bank account’s a little light these days. I couldn’t spring for anything fancier.”

“Eliza wouldn’t have minded. She always liked simple things best.” The prom dress without embellishments, a bouquet of wildflowers picked from the side of the road, tiny pearl studs instead of dangling rhinestones. My throat closed up unexpectedly, a harsh burning behind my eyes, and I turned my face away.

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